well, its two pretty long stories... i'll tell you if you really want to know though
i'll try to shorten them.
in quantum physics regarding our cellular structure and cellular memory as humans, we can manipulate and sculpt our reality. Past is only living within our minds and cell memory, so if we reprogram our mind of a certain memory by writing the original version and then rewriting a new version with a new purpose, we change the cellular response of our entire being. This in turn, affects every aspect of our life because we are constantly creating new experiences from our cellular memory of past experiences and how we processed them. so, in order to heal myself i am rewriting my life to empower me within it. i am programming myself to know that i do indeed create my reality and every step of my journey has taught me this. the effect of this is profound because it erases fear from my cell memory. and if fear does not live within me, i am free. so, i'm setting myself free.
my original story happened when i was five. my parents divorced and my mom moved in with a psychotic ass wipe. he consistantly abused my brother and i. one night he was making us watch a movie about a bear. i think it was called the bear or something. well, it was freaking me out. i told him i didn't want to watch it anymore. he told me that i had to go to bed. i went into the attic (that is where my and my brother's room was) and i lay in bed. it was pitch black up there and i started to hallucinate. there was this bear coming at me. i started freaking out screaming and crying. steve came up the ladder and told me that when i freaked out like this, my mom said to beat me. so he proceeded... when he finished, he took my blanket (which was my only source of comfort. i loved my blanket) and went down the ladder. i stayed awake. scared. feeling like my heart had been ripped out because he took my blanket. my brother eventually came to the attic and went to sleep. my mom got home around 4 or 5 in the morning and as soon as her car pulled up, he threw my blanket up the ladder so she wouldn't see that he took it. i ran to get my blanket and felt comforted.
that memory right there haunted me my whole life... so i wrote a new one.
the night that steve was trying to get us to watch the bear, i set up two tape recorders. my dad had bought them for me to play with but i had a better plan. and i set them up in secret so steve wouldn't know they were recording. i put one downstairs and one upstairs. they recorded him beating me, they recorded him taking my blanket while i begged and pleaded for him not to. and they recorded my brother crying. after he took my blanket, i came down the ladder to find him using my brother's chest as a foot rest. i told him to get his feet off of my brother and give me back my blanket. he yelled at me and told me to go back to my bed. i told him that i was going to kill him in his sleep. he yelled back at me "not if i kill you first you little bitch!". I went into the kitchen and grabbed a butcher knife. I stabbed him in the stomach. My brother stood up, got some alcohol from the kitchen and poured it onto the stab, and then spit in his face. We both stood there staring into his eyes with an empowered satisfaction. I told him that if he ever tried to hurt us again i was going to cut off his balls and penis with my pocket knife. i called the ambulance. they came and got him. I played the tapes for the policeman and there was a trial. I testified against him and so did his daughter for multiple abuses and he was sentenced to life in prison. When I turned 14 he died of a massive heart attack in his cell.
So, there you go. thats the long story of this picture... still think its cute? hahahahaha